5 Months Of Staying At Home : Was It For Nothing?

First and foremost, for this post, I assure you guys, it's gonna be a very long one. I'm going to compile nearly everything that had happened during my post-school life while waiting for the call from the university. Yes, this whole five months, I'm going to write all about it.

Well, I don't even know where to start actually, so much things had happened to me, and it gave me a lot of impacts.

Oh yeah, since I've not been writing for too long already, do realize that my skills have not been brushed up like they were used to, thus, producing a somewhat rusty outcome. Forgive me for my terrible English, if you happened to notice any.

Ok then, let's get started. I'm sure everyone has their own stories, lots and lots of them. I don't want to bore you guys with the usual stuff like, 'sitting at home for the rest of week' kind of stuff. Plus, it ain't even true. I go out nearly all the time.

As you're reading this, you're now wondering when am I going to really start this life diary. The truth is, I can't find a starting point.

'Make up your mind, man!'
Oh yeah, a voice in my head just shouted that.
I'm literally wasting your time to read my post. I didn't want it to be for nothing. I just hope you actually got something after reading this whole thing, particularly a moral value, perhaps? Then again, I'm not the wisest guy you knew.

Most of us already knew what to do when the end of school finally arrived. Two words, Driving. License. Yeap. I was a part of that teenagers community who badly wanted to drive a car, and settle my P as fast as I could. All of us were required to sit for the KPP class, before we could proceed to our Undang2 Test, in which if we scored it, we would get our L. And well, it was my mistake for going to the KPP lecture in late December, none of my friends were there.

You know, God did have some plans for me back then. It was fate, it was really a coincidental fate, I met my long lost school friend, Fakhri. I didn't realize it was him, because he was kinda bald at that time. But still, I was happy because I got company now. Imagine, for the last 5 years, we had little to no contact at all.
Of course I got his phone number, and he would play a major role in my life later on.

Early in January, or maybe in the middle of the month, my phone fell on the floor after I got back from a camp held for all the ex-Naqibs. There was only me and Irfan at that time, and my mind was left completely blank when I stared at the broken screen. I didn't know what to do, I don't have money to repair it. Before you laugh at me, saying 'R.I.P Samsung S2' , it didn't actually end there. I have such supportive parents, in this case, they supported the financial outcome in repairing the phone. Well, I went on buying a new cover, and it did look grand and better than before. Although, it's short lived too.

Why, you asked? In early February, I attended my cousin's wedding in Kedah. Heliza Helmi, the ex-student of Malaysia's Akademi Fantasia 5, now a renowned artist, was also there too. My current FB picture featured me and her, I'm not sure if I wanted to change it soon. What does this have to do with my early statement, you asked? I, myself am not quite sure. But I do know that I got two awesome things when I got back home, a picture with her, and a new phone. Yeah, I traded in my S2 in Kedah, to get an iPhone 4.

Oh yeah, there was a reception ceremony after the wedding, somewhere in February too. Held at Masjid Negara, even the ex-Prime Minister, Tun Abdullah Ahmad Badawi came. It was an honor to meet him, I tell you.

During all this time, in between February, March, April, oh, and May too, I had numerous of hangouts. I had my time with the Bestarians, I had my time with the USJ 20's. It's a nice feeling when some of your friends could get along with your own friends from your old school. My old team was back, Aliff, my neighbour Fadhlul, Amie, Fakhri, Rifdi, Acap, and others. Almost every week got a few hangouts. Even my own parents told me I don't have a home anymore, always going out all the time. These guys are my like, my family too. There's a difference between knowing someone for 5 years and knowing another for nearly 10 years. Surely they knew much more about me, and our friendship never actually wavered all along. These are my bestfriends, my gay buddies. Hahah, as awkward as it seems, it was the truth. I am grateful to have you guys, these are the friends you could really count on when you're in need. Plus, I noticed what sets them apart from my friends in Bestari, they usually regard money as something not worth to be an issue. Sometimes, I didn't even have to fork out my money. I felt bad, yeah I did. But they really insisted, so yeah, I don't think I used them in any way. I hated using my friends, they're not your tools. That's why I didn't even taste Mamak when I was with them, except only on some occasions. Come on la, lunch at PizzaHut, that one Japanese stall, Nando's, almost living like a king. I didn't even mention yet what I've been through every time I joined them, a lot of crazy things happened. Gonna miss those times when we're really up to something crazy. We actually pulled it off. From staying at One Utama for 12 hours doing nothing to helping the guy in charge of pulling the trolleys in a shopping department, not to mention that one time I called Irfan to join us and do some recording in a jamming studio, seriously, the things we did are just that crazy. That's what makes the bond grew a lot more stronger.

I'm sure you noticed that my story is beginning to grow one-sided, but hey, chill la. I'm grateful to the Bestarians as well. You all influenced my life a lot too. Especially Fauzan Muttaqin. Yeap, Ojan. He was there for me from the start, he insisted me and KL to go out jogging nearly every morning, although the routine stopped when he and KL began to work. Oh yeah, I too work during this holidays, but I found it really tiring, and I stopped in March after getting my SPM results. KL too, as annoying as he can be (still freakin annoying, seriously), he's still my friend, advising me to watch out for my weight (and apparently I failed to do so). He excelled in being a successful TROLL, having made me angry every night for being too annoying (he's still doing it now). But regardless, you helped me a lot bro. Sorry for everything, I just hoped that you're going to be with me in our target university, which is the Islamic International University of Malaysia. Got a couple of people who stayed close to me as well, Panju, Yap, Deen, Fareez, Amir, Assif and others too. I purposely did not mention Irfan, he was something much more. He helped me in a lot of ways too, I've been through a lot with him lately. I could say that I'm proud to be a part of you guys. The things I did for my friends, it was just unimaginable. Especially if you've survived 5 years with them. I want to thank Azlin too, for her never ending advises, and being able to bear with me at times. So much things I wanted to talk about, but hey, I think you guys know what we've done together, right? At that one time when I did realize that they actually cared about me all along, I just don't have anything else to say, so maybe I just make a tribute for you guys in this post. Thank you so much for helping me to survive this holiday. I'm going to miss Fauzan first, because he had done so much for me, and he'll be enrolled to UNITEN this coming Saturday, I'll make sure I spend this remaining time with him.

We're still in March, ok? Turns out, I failed my JPJ test. I didn't really expect myself to pass though, because I drive like a mad bird in a cage. Driving recklessly, that's the word. My repeat was supposed to be on the SPM results day, but I postponed it even further, hoping that I could calm myself from all that tension. I was wise to do so, because I didn't get what I wanted for SPM. For the next few days, the living spawn of the devil, which was inside me all along, began to broke loose from my own self. I treated people like crap, not every single one of them was exempted, even my own parents. I was the devil itself, I hated my own fate. I just can't accept that it actually happened to me. Luckily, I stopped being like that, due to Irfan snapping me out from all the rage. I was not the person whom everyone used to like, and I felt terrible for all the things I've done. That's why I said that Irfan played a major role in my life. He changed me back to where I was before. I started apologizing to people, and locked the devil deep in my heart, hoping that this other side of me would never again resurface. I began to accept my fate, my friends cheered me up, we went to a UITM expo together, but still managed to have fun. But now that I think about it, the future had really began to worry me.

The future? Yes, the future of my studies, my future possible careers. I'm not a top-scorer, so I should be working hard for the days to come. The problem was, since I slacked off in SPM, it was hard to find a really good place to study. Until now, I just don't know what to do. I only have one option, wait for the UPU announcement. I did enroll into MSU once, but I guess it didn't work out for me. I've been there for only 2 weeks, forgive me for saying this, but the elitist side of me actually prevented me from getting along with my mates there, although they were very, very friendly. I wanted more of a challenge, maybe it didn't fit for me. Enough said. Hate to see that my close buddies are leaving me to pursue studies in a better place, I was once again, alone.

I passed my JPJ eventually, it was my 2nd try. Well, there's nothing much that I could remember in April. I was actually lazy to write a post in this blog, but Fakhri made me move my hand. I loved what Fakhri did with his arrangement of songs, it's like working with an artist. He helped me do my own songs, his instrumental covers were just that amazing. You need talent for that, which requires 10 times the effort needed. He's the one helping me in all sorts of things, be it relationships, music, future studies. I never thought some friend from my old school would turn out to be such a good companion. Where can you get a friend who constantly drove in front of your house to pick you up nearly everyday? Seriously, where can you get that kind of a friend? He was willing to put everything aside just for his friends. I just realized that it had affected me as well, his motives had reached me. 

Sometimes I knew he deserved a lot more than this, but he did not seem to care. I felt like I used him, that's why I began to make myself worthy to become a proud friend of his. I shared my own life stories, what was revolving around me. Same goes for him too. Him and Aliff, you guys are really close to me this holidays, I can't thank you guys enough. You've done a lot for me and I feel really, really grateful. I wanted to see you guys badly, even after we've started our own university life. I wanted to have the fun we used to have together. Sadly, I know that it won't happen again. So I'll have you guys to thank for my awesome holiday. Thanks, for everything. I will wish you guys all the best from afar. I already know that both of you could achieve what you want and be successful for your future. Take care of yourself Fakhri, UTP tomorrow right? You got your own dream to achieve.

I've been through a lot lately, it's just part and parcel of life. I recalled the time where Irfan and I got no means of transport to go back home, but help came in the most unexpected way. If you're reading this, Yana, we're really grateful to you, and we wish you success in your near future too. Same goes for my other Bestari friends too, I feel like I'm repeating the same stuff all over again, but it just shows that I'm grateful to have known you all. I miss the time where we were in a 4 car-convoy going to Sunway, I laughed at that time where I can't reach to push the button at the parking entrance. Something unthinkable also happened on that day, but I'd rather not talk about it.

I'm now counting my days until the UPU announcement, it felt like a long time. I want to leave this place behind, once again. I want to end all of this and start a new life. I haven't been to the barber since the De Palma Dinner, you can guess how my hair looks like now. I met a few of my old friends, I made new ones. I learnt a lot of things, and I regained a new perspective on life. These people helped me change for the better,  from teamwork fights in League Of Legends to learning what's it like to have a true friend. This is life, it's a cycle, it was never meant to end. There is always something new waiting for us when the time is right.

This time, my post is heavily based on friends. I have people who support me, and believe me, those people are the ones I hold dear. Friends are even more important than relationships, they're the ones you can really rely on. I guess I'll end my post here. Perhaps, the next post is all about university life. I'm looking forward on doing something productive.

Done, and out. Overall, 5 months at home was not for nothing. I learned a lot.

'Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything.'
 -Muhammad Ali-