Can I repeat it again?

A week has passed in le school. So much things have been happening. I wasn't supposed to go back too this week, but thinking that the total population of my batch has been decreased to a point that it can only make up half of a football team, I began to reconsider going back. 

So here I am, staying in the comfort of my own house. Sitting in front of the computer like a dumb retard, while trying to extract every possible ideas from my mind to write a short story.

Y'know, speaking of reminiscing past memories, there are lots of 'em in my memory chamber. I can still recall back the time when I took the certificates of the two of my past 'big' exams. UPSR and PMR.

The day of taking the certificate for UPSR means the last day that we're going to see each other again. I can't help but smile when I thought all about it. It seems like it's only yesterday when our gleeful smiles and happy faces shared the results. We were the best of the best, the epitome of all epics. Nearly all of us got excellent results, and as expected, all of us parted and went to other high schools throughout Malaysia.
I can never forget that fateful day.

And then, something happened 2 years ago. Yeap, the time when I finally got my PMR results. Back then it was during the December holidays. I was nervous, real nervous. It's like sweat was pouring out from my skin and the chills ran down throughout my spine. To be frank, I'm not used to be like who I was before, the student who's admired by people because of his high ranking achievement. Life had spoiled me a lot since I started high school, and I became quite lazy since that. Not sure if the flow of life is like that, though.

I only targeted that I was going to get below 5 A's, because I wasn't really ready when I took the exam, my preparations were only halfway when we started answering the papers. I was pretty sure that the others had suprassed me in terms of revising, but I didn't really care at that time. And thus, when the judgement day came, I didn't have the mood to go to school and get it. But like it or not, I have to go. No other choice.

All the time when I was in the car, my parents lectured about the virtues of studying and such. I was getting really bored as I gazed outside of the window and having to hear them talking about stuffs that didn't really concern me (at that time, that is). But I can't help but feel that I'm about to seal my fate. When we arrived there, the results wasn't given out to the students yet. I joined my other friends as we waited while playing PSP's and exchanging phones.

A few minutes later, we were told to take our results at the meeting room. My whole body trembled as I went into the room. Trying to get hold of myself, I braced myself and asked for my certificate. Catching a glimpse, I was suprised that the amount of A's is quiet astounding. But, as I looked down, I noticed that there's a B below. Sure enough, it was Arabic, just as I expected. But the result was happily accepted by my parents, they dont even care about the B grade. So yea, 8A's mine.

Looking back at the past, I dont see the reason why I can't succeed this time, for my final year. Should be simple enough, shouldn't be too over-confident too. I just hope I can. Somehow, I feel like I'm going to be ready when the time comes. The question is, can I repeat it again? can I repeat my glory days as a high achiever? Is it going to be possible? Do I have what it takes to score this time?

The fact is, no one knows for sure. I'll just have to prove it. 
I did it two times in a row, I know I can do it for the third time. It's not going to be an easy task. The final of all exams, just you wait.

Insya Allah, 11A+, if God willing :)


The Thing That Has Been Bothering My Almost-17 Year Old Mind Lately.

Hey guys, Assalamualaikum.

I'm not really sure where to start. It's kinda complicated.

I may be a guy, but I shed tears just by looking at this pictures.
For 3 years I've been living in that place, it feels like pure torture. I never thought that high school can be such a hell. I'm just a silly kid, who knew nothing of surviving by himself, who is spoon-fed in almost anything. I took long enough to get used to this new environment. But that was back in 2008. I continue to live that kind of life until puberty hit me.

And that's when I begin to indulge in my new kicked-in hormones.
As a human being who first experience puberty, I'll normally find sharing problems with my parents is going slightly awkward, I mean, teenager problems are a lot more, how should I say it? Sadistic and lustful? Yeah, kinda like that. And it's not like my parents are there if I'm going to share some anyway. I'm in a hostel for crying out loud.

That's when I discovered the utmost reality, the light to shine my life in countering the menaces life has to offer in living my teenage years.

The word F-R-I-E-N-D.

Yes, this typical word apparently gave a whole-new meaning when staying in a high school. As they experienced nearly the same thing, and they lived with you nearly all the time, it's quite undeniable that they KNOW how you felt. Most of the time.

This is why teenagers tend to follow their friend's advice more, it's peer pressure.

Anyhow, I did manage to find some great people, who can offer me more advices than my balik kampung bag's mass (trust me, it's really heavy), who understands me a lot, and who likes me for who I am.
They are the ones who I hold so dear, the ones who make me feel lonely everytime they returned late for school, and the ones who accompanied me in doing a lot of things, whether legal or illegal (against school rules).

For the past 3 years, I've known how it's like to be cared and loved. As they have lived with me for the time period, they've obviously understood me more than anyone else. Our life continued happily and joyously during our Form 3, we created memories, dear and precious ones. All in life seemed so well and beautiful.




In the year 2011, we worked together and handled the new intakes of new students who took PMR the previous year. Yes, they are the New Form 4's. For the time being, we hold the record for the largest batch ever. The new ones got mixed with old ones, we felt excited getting new friends and members, and I get the feeling that we're going to be the best batch ever until the end of SPM, despite what our teacher has stated in the past, that our batch is the worst of all.

But God has planned differently for each of us.

It all started when, one of us left and gone to his new school. We were at loss for words. Gloomy, heartbroken, disconsolate, all of them mixed into a single feeling which I can't properly describe. That's only the beginning.

Soon, nearly everyone began following his footsteps. One by one began considering their offers to a new school. Some of us can't even believe that they're going to leave us, after all this years living together as a team, handling all those crap and problems while laughing our heads off. All those memories, and they're going to leave it behind? For real?

Turns out, we can't escape from reality. They knew that going to other places is the best choice for them, somehow they knew it deep inside their heart. That's why it's ok for them to let go of us, but not for us to let go of them. I never really experienced parting before, but to be frank, I think it's very hurtful, and quite damaging the heart too. I mean, how can I not feel anything? All those cherished recollections, do you think it's easy to let go of them? I lost a few of my best buddies throughout the year, just for the sake of transferring to new schools.

Like, them.

This is Faiz Azhari. A cheerful guy, as always. Sad to let him go. He has been my friend since Form 1. And I shared a lot of things with him. I was rendered speechless as I watched him drove away from our school last year for SBPI Rawang.

This is Alif Aiman. We shared something very personal, perhaps even close too. He truly understood me, and the night before he left, we had a personal chit chat in the middle of the courtyard during the wee hours in the morning. Tough to let go huh? But glad to know now that he's doing fine as always at SBPI Gombak.

Not just these two, but many others as well. My heart has been tortured over and over again after seeing so many of the ones who I truly cared about disappearing right before my eyes. It had reached its peak, its maximum level of pain when one particular person finally went away.


This, is Amirul Fitri. He's been with me for a long time. And living true to his self as a Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya, he answered all of my thoughts and wonderings, and gave his opinions too. He's been through so much already, I could almost felt it and shared his sorrows. My heart died a little bit inside when he told me that he had to go to somewhere better, that is, Kolej Islam Sultan Alam Shah. He was the last to go.

It's too late for me to either get another school to go, or follow them to their own respective schools. When I thought about it back, it seemed unbelievable that I survived until this day. Not only that, I changed my personality permanently too. I felt an intense agony, like someone is stabbing my heart with a burning spike and dragged it down into a lane of an animal stampede, whenever I thought about those days as all those memories wont stop coming back, flashing right before my eyes and flooding my mind with what I used to experience.

With only a bit left for hope, I toughen myself up and continued the rest of my life here. With that little bit of courage too, and with some support from the real friends I had here, I began to change dramatically, began to cherish the others left here as well. Because I've finally learnt that we should appreciate the times we have together, before they leave you. Not only that, I've learnt much more about my past mistakes, and I turned over a new identity. I'm no longer the sinister, devil-spawn influenced behaving type of a boy. Bit by bit, I've learnt something about life.

But hey, it's not like it's going to be the end of the world, eventhough the world had observed my downfall in the first place. Still had some of the best mates here, been through thick and thin together in our final year.

I inserted a few of their piccies. A promise until the end of SPM is still being kept, that is not to leave the others any longer.

                           Amir Juhar

                         Qusyairi Kamal

                        Luqman Hassan

                          Zikri Haris

And many others as well. Be it as it may, I don't see that without the original batch would mean the ultimate downfall of us. See this picture of my class that was taken last year. We did enjoy ourselves back then. 


With Allah's blessings, He let us met one another on a fateful day. That's when the original batch of SAMBESTARI '95 decided to have a final hangout before SPM. God really does know what's best.


Guys, as far as I could tell, our bonds between us, could never be torn apart. These memories, cherish them, keep them in a special place. I can't really tell how grateful I am after meeting you all. Everything must happen for a reason. Ukhuwah Fillah until the end. 

Kawan-Sahabat-Teman-Friends-Sodiqi, each of them holds the same meaning.

By far, this is the longest post I've written so far. Sorry to bore all of you.
Take care everyone.