Hey guys, Assalamualaikum.
I'm not really sure where to start. It's kinda complicated.
I may be a guy, but I shed tears just by looking at this pictures.
For 3 years I've been living in that place, it feels like pure torture. I never thought that high school can be such a hell. I'm just a silly kid, who knew nothing of surviving by himself, who is spoon-fed in almost anything. I took long enough to get used to this new environment. But that was back in 2008. I continue to live that kind of life until puberty hit me.And that's when I begin to indulge in my new kicked-in hormones.
As a human being who first experience puberty, I'll normally find sharing problems with my parents is going slightly awkward, I mean, teenager problems are a lot more, how should I say it? Sadistic and lustful? Yeah, kinda like that. And it's not like my parents are there if I'm going to share some anyway. I'm in a hostel for crying out loud.
That's when I discovered the utmost reality, the light to shine my life in countering the menaces life has to offer in living my teenage years.
The word F-R-I-E-N-D.
Yes, this typical word apparently gave a whole-new meaning when staying in a high school. As they experienced nearly the same thing, and they lived with you nearly all the time, it's quite undeniable that they KNOW how you felt. Most of the time.
This is why teenagers tend to follow their friend's advice more, it's peer pressure.
Anyhow, I did manage to find some great people, who can offer me more advices than my balik kampung bag's mass (trust me, it's really heavy), who understands me a lot, and who likes me for who I am.
They are the ones who I hold so dear, the ones who make me feel lonely everytime they returned late for school, and the ones who accompanied me in doing a lot of things, whether legal or illegal (against school rules).
For the past 3 years, I've known how it's like to be cared and loved. As they have lived with me for the time period, they've obviously understood me more than anyone else. Our life continued happily and joyously during our Form 3, we created memories, dear and precious ones. All in life seemed so well and beautiful.
Until........
.........................
...................................
In the year 2011, we worked together and handled the new intakes of new students who took PMR the previous year. Yes, they are the New Form 4's. For the time being, we hold the record for the largest batch ever. The new ones got mixed with old ones, we felt excited getting new friends and members, and I get the feeling that we're going to be the best batch ever until the end of SPM, despite what our teacher has stated in the past, that our batch is the worst of all.
But God has planned differently for each of us.
It all started when, one of us left and gone to his new school. We were at loss for words. Gloomy, heartbroken, disconsolate, all of them mixed into a single feeling which I can't properly describe. That's only the beginning.
Soon, nearly everyone began following his footsteps. One by one began considering their offers to a new school. Some of us can't even believe that they're going to leave us, after all this years living together as a team, handling all those crap and problems while laughing our heads off. All those memories, and they're going to leave it behind? For real?
Turns out, we can't escape from reality. They knew that going to other places is the best choice for them, somehow they knew it deep inside their heart. That's why it's ok for them to let go of us, but not for us to let go of them. I never really experienced parting before, but to be frank, I think it's very hurtful, and quite damaging the heart too. I mean, how can I not feel anything? All those cherished recollections, do you think it's easy to let go of them? I lost a few of my best buddies throughout the year, just for the sake of transferring to new schools.
Like, them.
This is Faiz Azhari. A cheerful guy, as always. Sad to let him go. He has been my friend since Form 1. And I shared a lot of things with him. I was rendered speechless as I watched him drove away from our school last year for SBPI Rawang.
This is Alif Aiman. We shared something very personal, perhaps even close too. He truly understood me, and the night before he left, we had a personal chit chat in the middle of the courtyard during the wee hours in the morning. Tough to let go huh? But glad to know now that he's doing fine as always at SBPI Gombak.
Not just these two, but many others as well. My heart has been tortured over and over again after seeing so many of the ones who I truly cared about disappearing right before my eyes. It had reached its peak, its maximum level of pain when one particular person finally went away.
This, is Amirul Fitri. He's been with me for a long time. And living true to his self as a Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya, he answered all of my thoughts and wonderings, and gave his opinions too. He's been through so much already, I could almost felt it and shared his sorrows. My heart died a little bit inside when he told me that he had to go to somewhere better, that is, Kolej Islam Sultan Alam Shah. He was the last to go.
It's too late for me to either get another school to go, or follow them to their own respective schools. When I thought about it back, it seemed unbelievable that I survived until this day. Not only that, I changed my personality permanently too. I felt an intense agony, like someone is stabbing my heart with a burning spike and dragged it down into a lane of an animal stampede, whenever I thought about those days as all those memories wont stop coming back, flashing right before my eyes and flooding my mind with what I used to experience.
With only a bit left for hope, I toughen myself up and continued the rest of my life here. With that little bit of courage too, and with some support from the real friends I had here, I began to change dramatically, began to cherish the others left here as well. Because I've finally learnt that we should appreciate the times we have together, before they leave you. Not only that, I've learnt much more about my past mistakes, and I turned over a new identity. I'm no longer the sinister, devil-spawn influenced behaving type of a boy. Bit by bit, I've learnt something about life.
But hey, it's not like it's going to be the end of the world, eventhough the world had observed my downfall in the first place. Still had some of the best mates here, been through thick and thin together in our final year.
I inserted a few of their piccies. A promise until the end of SPM is still being kept, that is not to leave the others any longer.
I inserted a few of their piccies. A promise until the end of SPM is still being kept, that is not to leave the others any longer.
Zikri Haris
And many others as well. Be it as it may, I don't see that without the original batch would mean the ultimate downfall of us. See this picture of my class that was taken last year. We did enjoy ourselves back then.
And many others as well. Be it as it may, I don't see that without the original batch would mean the ultimate downfall of us. See this picture of my class that was taken last year. We did enjoy ourselves back then.
With Allah's blessings, He let us met one another on a fateful day. That's when the original batch of SAMBESTARI '95 decided to have a final hangout before SPM. God really does know what's best.
Guys, as far as I could tell, our bonds between us, could never be torn apart. These memories, cherish them, keep them in a special place. I can't really tell how grateful I am after meeting you all. Everything must happen for a reason. Ukhuwah Fillah until the end.
Kawan-Sahabat-Teman-Friends-Sodiqi, each of them holds the same meaning.
By far, this is the longest post I've written so far. Sorry to bore all of you.
Take care everyone.
0 Response to "The Thing That Has Been Bothering My Almost-17 Year Old Mind Lately."
Post a Comment